Confessions. Part One.
I am in love.
Absolutely, 100%, head over heels love.
But, he doesn't know.
Well, he might.
Or might not.
I am not sure.
He alludes he is aware of my feelings, I think.
I assume, if he did have feelings, he would not divulge due to our arrangement.
However, our time together will soon end.
Do put my feelings out there and risk flat out rejection?
Do I throw caution to the wind and employ carpe diem because you only live once and life is too short?
The internal struggle of trying to sift through his stoic signals is hell on earth. Or at least purgatory.
Am I dead wrong about his alluding to my alluding?
Am I imagining things?
Am I misinterpreting?
Am I completely wrong?
Am I overthinking?
If I am, would someone tell me?
Suggestions?
Thoughts?
Advice?
Psychic intervention?
Remedies?
Anything?
I went through this torture last year. I didn't blog about it because too many close friends read my blog and would have known what and who I was talking about. But what you are talking about is MADDENING!!!! It gives you such a high, and yet at the same time it can drive you insane. I hope your situation ends the way you want it too! I was too scared of rejection to put it all out there, so I never took it any further. Sometimes I can't help but wonder what if. I wrote a goodbye letter to this persosn a few months ago. I never sent it to them, I did it for myself. I bawled the whole time. But it helped me with So I say GO for it. Take the risk. You never know.
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Carolina Girl!
I knew I could count on my girlfriends...
I have been sobbing for about six days straight now.
Oh, mostly everyone knows who it is - except him - and except SlinkyChic added in a politically correct "her" too (?).
Plus, I know he has read my blog, however, do not know if he knows what I know.
This is part of the dilemma and part of my departure into insanity.
Thank you for being so supportive.
He does have a girlfriend, number one.
I mean, what are the odds that something would really work out.
BUT, I may just write my letter, and leave it on my blog - and if he reads it, he reads it, and knows where to find me.
And if he doesn't, I can get everything off my chest and out there, satisfying my "life is too short to regret something like this".
Heavy sigh.
I just fight to get through my stomach pit and push onward!
Thanks so much!!! Talk soon!
J.
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What you are experiencing is maddening isn't it? It's such a high one minute and the next it'll drive you insane. I have been there! I hope it ends the way you want it. But I think life is too short, and sometimes you have to take risks! Go with your heart
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Oops, I didn't realize my first post went through! Sorry about that!
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i am feeling your pain.. well, if this person ever EVER read this blog, he... or she ( got to be fair ) may now now,,, or will certainly know, how can they not. Good luck....you know, as we hang out very much in Northampton, maybe we will see him or her there????
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SlinkyChic_
The person I am torturing myself over is a HE.
Thanks for humoring the ill chance I was lesbian or bicurious.
Um, you have only been my best friend since high school.
Well, this is part of my dilemma.
Does HE realize I am talking about HIM?
Or, is he clueless.
Hmm. Perhaps we could run him to out in NoHo...
perhaps for my celebration night out??!!
Heavy sigh, he'll probably be with the girlfriend.
xoxoxo
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Josie. Josie, Josie - in my opinion you have nothing to lose. Will it down right suck if the feelings are not mutual? Absolutely - but I am pretty sure that it would suck a whole hell of a lot more to not say anything and find out down the road that there just may have been something there. Take it from me (and you know I have some experience with this) life is definately to short to not go after what your heart wants. As far as him having a girlfried my advice to you on that is - you never know - could he be happy? yes. But could it be that he not truly happy in that relationship and he too is afraid to expose himself for fear that the feelings may not be mutual? You NEVER know. I personally think it is better to know than to live life wondering what if??? So you do what you think you need to do and no matter what happens just know that slinky chic and I will be there to either wipe away the tears (and help you drink away your sorrows in one of the many local and freak filled dive bars in town) or we will be there to wipe away tears of happiness (and of course having a few martinis in celebration!!) Good luck - I love you!! KAZ
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Kaz, Kaz, Kaz...you are truly my best friend.
You keep me sane.
You are right. It would suck a whole hell of a lot more to go through my life, looking back, saying, "What if...".
I promised myself when my father died many years ago, I would always tell the people I love, I loved them.
Even if they do go running back to Orlando in horror, life is too short!
And, you are right...one never knows.
Remember your log? Your baken dough every day with your log.
Life is pretty messy, isn't it?
I will take you and SlinkyChic's offer to drown my sowers and tears in a lot of vodka if this spilling of guts goes horrifically bad...well, I will take you and SlinkyChic's offer to drink a lot of vodka anyway for a much-needed girls night out! we can stay the night at SlinkyChic's house in the upper-level suite).
If we do go celebrate in our usually NoHo spots, I doubt we would run into him - we would probably just end up paying for drinks Z and his gay friend ordered for us - again. Oh, and we'll have to pay attention to what we tip the bartenders, we don't want any more accidents!
Or worse, Hubbard would be out stalking.
Talk about freaks. Just shoot me now.
I love you.
LITTLE.
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It is tooooo funny that you mentioned Z and Hubbard because they were both in the pizza shop over this past weekend?!?!? How weird is that? Z is just a tool and thinks he is way too good for even himself. Hubbard - I kinda feel sorry for him - and yes he asked how you were...again!!!! Only about a week left - good luck - talk soon!! KAZ P.S. You too will find your log
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