When life gives you lemons, grab tequila...
As Memorial Day approaches, the looming clouds of family cookouts lay overhead.
Ah, yes. A time when every single girl is reminded just how single one’s life may be.
…No, …really… people, relatives no less, will leap out of lawn chairs to ask if you have “found anyone” yet.
***
“No, but I cured cancer.”
“That’s nice, dear. You know, my coworker’s son is about your age. He still lives at home, but that just means he’s saving money.”
Even the cure for cancer couldn’t save me from this annual scene – and, yeah, he’s “saving money.” Let me guess, his “apartment” is located in the basement?
And, you thought of me for this loser. Gee. thanks.
***
Ah, yes. I have heard it all for the “finding someone” advice.
Here are some oldies, but goodies:
• “Some Saturday, go and hang out in Home Depot for an hour or two. I bet you would find someone there.”
• “What about that guy Chris?”
(PLEASE NOTE_I dated Chris in high school, SIXTEEN YEARS AGO)
• “So what if he is thirty-three and living at home. He’s saving money.”
• “I REALLLLLY wish I knew someone single.”
(PLEASE NOTE_Yeah, um… I am not in Make-a-Wish)
• “He’s a Greek god. You’ll love him. He’s perfect for you.”
(PLEASE NOTE_ Greek gods do not have uni-brows)
• “You should go on a single’s cruise. That’s how my friends met. You know, they had some ice breaker…he got ‘Frank’ and she got ‘beans.’ The rest is history.”
Enjoy your Memorial Day weekend.
And, don't forget to pack the tequila.
Hello Josie-
I know all too well your dilemma! My family started with a similar sermon when I was in my 20s.
It didn't matter how many days a week I saw my grandparents, the questions remained the same: “Hi dear, how are you”; “Are you married yet”? “Oh, it’s YOU…THAT'S RIGHT...you’re NOT MARRIED…Oh my, you don’t have any kids right” and oh, my favorite, “remember to put money in your socks every time you leave home”.
Truthfully, I can’t help but smile, especially seeing the benefits of a marriage that has lasted 60+ yrs. There is a perfect time for everything. Your turn will come when you least expect it! In the meantime, have fun during this process and ah…from experience, never ever threaten your parents to desist from the Marriage Dissertation or else you’ll be forced to marry the 1st Taxi Cab Driver that picks you up…’cause they just might like the idea!
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Josie,
I LOVE LOVE LOVE your posting, it's great and so very funny and true.
Trust me, I feel your pain. I still, at the age of 41, with no girlie parts left, get asked 'when are you having a baby? There's stillllllll timmmmmmeeeeee'.
"Oh, you can adopt". Look at Brad and Angelina. Yeah ok, great example because my situation is just like theirs! Ugh.
It doesn't end when you get married either - at my wedding reception I had people actually ask if we were going to have a "honeymoon baby". Not.
There are others who give me the pitiful look, with the head to the side and the quiet tsk, thinking to themselves, "you poor, poor barren woman".
I've tried all the smart-ass responses about having pets, and not having to send them to college, but it doesn't work. Breeders WANT you to feel THEIR pain!
Sarah
me
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Ah, Sarah...
Your stories remind me of a time, just out of college, when a coworker of my mother suggested I become a typist because I knew how to type.
These people know not what they do, as they are dumber than a bag of rocks.
WWJD? I know, do you?
He would park in the reserved "Mothers with Children" parking spots at the supermarkets out of spite.
Keep your chin up and, if these trolls ask about having children again, tell them you are off to practice making one!
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You must be Canadian. If you've been to Canada you would find out that there is only one reason you get married and that is to have kids. If you don't they start wondering which of one of you has the problem. Take it from me who has a mom with 12 on her side and a dad with 12 on his side.
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